The Giving Season

Christmas is here.  I have been more in the Christmas spirit this year than I have in the past.  I guess it is because Anna is getting older and is able to understand Christmas.  We got her an "Elf on the Shelf" and have been having fun putting him in different places around the house.  Anna gets so excited when she finds him!

I get annoyed by Christmas at times because I feel like people miss out on the true meaning of Christmas.  I feel that as a society we buy things for people that really don't need anything.  Someone asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I couldn't come up with anything.  I have everything I need and there really isn't anything I want.  Someone asked me what they could get Anna and I tried coming up with something but the truth is that she doesn't need or want for anything either. 

I asked a little boy at school what he wanted for Christmas and among an Xbox 360 and some other toys he replied, "a house for us to live in".  This little boy, his younger brother and his mother are homeless.  There are 20 children at the school where I work that are also homeless.  We see people on the streets that are homeless but we never stop to think that there are also families and children that do not have a home. 

The little boy that just wants a house to live in for Christmas weighed heavily on my heart.  I thought about him and all the homeless children at our school.  We see children come to school in shorts and short sleeved shirts when it is cold out because they do not even own a coat.

I feel that God has blessed me so much in my life. I thank him every night for everything he has given me, especially for giving me a wonderful husband and a healthy and beautiful daughter. I can't help but want to do more for others that aren't as fortunate.  All of us at Atkins SBHC got together and bought coats and toys for the children at our school that are homeless.  Today we presented boxes to them that held their coat and toy inside.  We told them to wait until they got home to open the presents.  The children did not know what was in the box but they were so excited to be getting a present.  We all became overwhelmed with emotion just seeing the expression on the children's faces.  Children that are so sweet and innocent.  Children that just want a house to live in for Christmas. 

This Christmas take a moment to think about those that are in need and find a way to help.  It can be as simple as putting some money in the Salvation Army red bucket, donating old clothes to The Providence House, donating money to the Food Bank, buying a toy for Toys for Tots, or buying a coat for Coats for Kids.  May everyone have a blessed Christmas.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Ok, yes I know that Christmas is suppose to be the most wonderful time of the year but for me, it is Halloween. I LOVE Halloween.  Unlike Christmas you do not have the family chaos, stress of finding the perfect gift, spending rediculous amounts of money and Halloween just rocks!! 

One of my favorite childhood memories was my mom and aunt doing a Halloween party for us kiddos every year.  It wasn't anything fancy or big but it was always a lot of fun.  Last year we threw a Halloween party and this year I am attempting to do the same.  My family costume theme is set(yes of course we must have a theme!), costumes are ready (I made mine which I think is so much more fun).  The party won't be a big shindig or fancy, just wanted people to come with kiddos in tow for a couple of hours of fun.  So far I think all of 4 people have RSVP'd yes but I'm ok with it.  The more the merrier but sometimes having just a few is as much fun!  Now let's hope Anna wants to wear her costume, she has an opinion on EVERYTHING these days.  Having a mini version of myself is quite the challenge but so much fun!

Life Lessons

I was reading a book the other day that this woman wrote for her son that she gave to him when he went off to college about life lessons.  It made me think about what I would write to Anna and want her to know and here are a few of mine:
-People will disappoint you but they will also suprise you
-Always invest in quality shoes and purses.
-You are always representing how your parents raised you so be careful of your choices and actions
-Always help others less fortunate when you can
-When asked at the check-out if you would like to donate $1 to whatever charity it is, say yes.
-Trust your gut feeling, it is usually right
-Good friends are harder to come by the older you get
-Friends should be in your cheering section and if they aren't then they aren't worth having
-The only person you should ever compete with is yourself.  Try to be the best "you" that you can be.
-Nothing good ever happens after midnight.
-It is ok to get drunk every now and then just don't: drive, start a fight, do something you will regret, or publicly humiliate yourself.
-Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself.
-Pray before you go to sleep every night.  Thank God for your blessings.
-Enjoy the small things in life: a nice breeze blowing on a hot day, finding a penny, getting a good parking spot.
-Always eat breakfast, it is the most important meal of the day!
-Hold your head up high even when you've made a mistake.
-Always apologize when you are in the wrong.
-Tell those that are dear what they mean to you and say "I love you".
-Even when it hurts, smile.
-Have a pity party when feeling sad but then move on.
-Know that no matter where you go, what you do that you are loved.
-Don't forget who you are and where you come from.
-Stay humble.
-Clean your closets at least once a year and give what you no longer need to charity.
-Read, read, read. 
-Wash your face at night before you go to bed and in the morning when you wake up.
-Always moisturize your face.
-Wear sunscreen.
-Don't ever wear socks with sandals.
-Always be aware of your surroundings and be prepared for anything.
-Respect your elders even if you don't like them.
-It is ok to not like some people.
-Go to the doctor at least once a year.
-Protect yourself.
-You will get your heart broken but you will survive.
-When you find "the one", it is true that you will just know.
-Get your education first and foremost.
-Know how to be by yourself and be independent.  Don't ever rely on someone else to support you.
-Love with all your heart or not at all.
-It is better to be with nobody than the wrong body.
-Always be willing to try something new.
-Don't buy something you really can not afford.
-Don't live beyond your means, it will catch up to you.
-Do what you love.

It Is Well

One of my favorite "church songs" is one that the pastors at the hospice I worked for sang all the time,  "It is Well" with the main chorus being "It is well with my soul".  For me it is the little, simple things in life that makes it well with my soul.  Hearing my child laugh, seeing her happy and discovering new things, having my husband kiss me when he gets home from work and catching up with a dear friend.

I got the opportunity to fly to Wyoming this past week to visit a friend (hubby and child in tow) and it did my soul good.  I feel like the older you get the harder good friends are to come by.  This particular friend left S'port 3 years ago and I have missed her terribly.  She and I just instantly clicked the moment we met, probably because neither one of us is from S'port.  I love S'port but it can be awfully cliquish.  This friend has always been the first person I shared any sort of news with and felt like I could trust with anything.  When she left S'port 3 years ago I was heartbroken because I lost my very best friend.

Having the opportunity this past week to catch up was wonderful.  Even though we have not seen each other in almost a year, it felt like no time had passed.  We just pick up where we left off.  One of the things that makes this friend just a dear one is that I can truly just be myself.  There is no judgement and no competition. We know the best and the worst and like each other anyway.

I also enjoyed spending time with my family.  I love being with Anna and Dave.  They make me smile and I could not be happier than when I am with them.

Currently I am feeling very blessed and am thankful.  It is well with my soul.

The Terrible, Awful, Good for Nothing Twos!

I had hoped that since Anna had colic until she was 4 months old that God would go easy on me. . . . .I was WRONG!  Anna began the "terrible twos" around when she was 18 months old but is in full force now.  Today I try to run a simple errand and then take Anna to lunch. . .epic fail!  She does not want me to hold her, hold her hand, sit in a buggy, or simply touch her at all.  No problem when we are at home but this tends to be an issue when we are going to the car or in a store.  She doesn't want to sit in a high chair or a booster seat also which is super fun!  She threw herself on the ground and began to scream today like I had just beaten her.  UGH!  I get frustrated because when she is throwing a tantrum there is literally nothing I can do and it can last up to 30 minutes.  I ignore her and she just gets louder, I try to console her and she just screams more.  Some days I am really lucky and she throws a tantrum for no reason at all.  It is like a switch gets flipped and my child becomes Damien from "The Omen".  One of my friends told me that 3 was worse than 2 and I'm thinking "Oh My God, give me Xanax NOW!!".

My mother tells me I was like Anna at her age which I would love to say is so not true but unfortunately I know too well it is.  I was so bad at church one time that she accidentally left my sister at church.  I guess it is true that you pay for your raising.  I try to look on the bright side that even though Anna is throwing tantrums like Naomi Campbell right now, it won't last forever.  I hope so anyway.  Although I can picture adult Anna throwing a cell phone at someone. . . . .

Summer Garden

Today I am cooking ladyfinger peas and corn for dinner.  I bought both fresh at a local farm.  I have not cooked fresh peas in a really long time.  I am a country girl at heart who grew up on an ostrich farm.  My grandparents also planted a garden every summer that included: purple hull peas, lady finger peas, okra, squash, eggplant, cucumbers, green bell peppers, Lima beans, corn, butter beans, watermelon, strawberries, and potatoes.  They also had several blueberries bushes.  Needless to say we ate organic before it was trendy.  For us it was just a way of life.  I had a love/hate relationship with my grandparents' garden.  I loved spending time with my grandparents shelling peas and shucking corn but I absolutely hated having to pick peas in hot, humid weather.  Some of my greatest memories is shucking and cutting corn and then feeding the cobs to the cows.  Simple but it was fun.

Thinking of this makes me miss my grandfather tons.  He was the single most important person in my life.  I loved him dearly and wish every day that he was still alive.  He would have just had a fit over Anna.  He was a simple man who worked hard and loved his family.  He was honest, fair and accepting.  He was the only person who ever made me feel like I was important.  I enjoyed spending time with him and listening to him talk.  My grandfather was a father to me since my dad was too busy getting high or just being a jerk.  My grandfather had Alzheimer's and it broke my heart when he died.  I would go visit him in the nursing home and talk to him even when he wasn't able to carry on a conversation.  I always felt like he knew I was there.

People always say that you marry the man who is most like your own father.  I married the man that was most like the person that meant the world to me, my grandfather.  Had he been alive and able, I would have loved for him to have walked me down the aisle at my wedding.  I also wish that he would have been able to meet Dave before his Alzheimer's was advanced.

My grandfather was always the person I could go to for advice.  I remember him always telling me "No matter where you go, don't forget where you came from".  Yep, I'm just a country girl at heart.    

Anna Banana Boat

I came to the realization the other day that my baby is in fact no longer a baby, she's a little girl.  This broke my heart yet thrilled me at the same time.  Sad because she has grown up so fast but happy because she is so much fun and everyday is a new adventure.  She will be 22 months old next week and I'm just amazed.  Of course I already have her 2nd birthday party planned with a theme and supplies ordered!  I love to throw a party! 

I took Anna to the doctor the other day because her eye was swollen.  Come to find out that Anna had an ear infection that she had had for awhile according to the doctor.  And here comes the guilt trip.  I beat myself up for thinking Anna was so grouchy just because she is in the terrible 2's and should have somehow, some way known she had an ear infection and just hadn't felt good.  It is amazing as mothers how much guilt we have.  I basically felt like the worst mother ever for not knowing she had an ear infection.  Even though my rational self says "Well Anna didn't have fever and wasn't pulling on her ear so there were no signs".  My mom self says "YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU IDIOT".  Motherhood:  the hardest job you will ever love!

Anna is talking so much these days.  She also has such an array of expressions including what I labeled her "angry eyes".  Anna performs "angry eyes" on command and it's pretty funny.  Her favorite thing to say is "I wanna go!".  This is also written down in my baby book as my favorite thing to say so like mother like daughter.  Anna definitely has my personality.  She may look just like Dave but she has her mother's wonderful temper and ability to throw one hell of a fit.  Yes, it sucks!  I don't ever worry about another kid beating her up because let me just say, they don't want a piece of Anna.  She's one tough cookie.

Here are my latest and favorite pics of Anna:

Easter Sunday

Wearing mommy's shoes

Mopping the Floor

Future's so bright I gotta wear shades

Peek-a-boo!

Ready to roll!

Summer Summer Time!!

I get out in 3 days!  I use to hate people that would post stuff like that on Facebook because it made me super jealous.  Now, I'm one of them!  Ha! 

This summer I have 2 trips planned:  one to Destin, FL in a couple of weeks and then one to see a friend in WY in July.  I have been asked a bit about seeing said friend since she left S'port in less than ideal circumstances.  I was hurt, we talked and I'm over it.  End of story.  I just think why throw away a friendship over a situation that essentially had nothing to do with me?  Life is too short and let's face it: I don't have many friends LOL!

Two trips include flying with an almost 2 y/o two times!  I am trying to prepare and read tips about the best way to go about this but I am sure in the end it will be an epic fail and I will wish I was never born.  My child adorable as she is is quite difficult.  I am keeping my fingers crossed though! 

I am going to paint our guest bedroom this summer.  I now hate the awful mustard, golden color I thought would be nice.  Just one of the joys of being indecisive and A.D.D.!

Anna is going to daycare just part-time this summer and I am looking forward to spending more time with her. 

The main thing I hope to accomplish this summer is just to have time for a little TLC for myself.   I put everyone ahead of me.  I only have myself to blame.  I am so busy trying to make everyone else happy that I stretch myself too thin sometimes and don't take care of me.  So this summer I am going to do some things I have been wanting to do.  I am excited to take classes at the wellness center (yoga, pilates, zumba) that are offered during my normal working hours and I have thus been unable to attend.  I have ordered a couple of cookbooks and am looking forward to cooking.  I find cooking therapeutic but being a full-time working mother has left little time for that.

I had the wonderful opportunity to catch up with some old friends this past weekend.  I had 4 best friends in high school.  We were known as the Fab Five.  Why?  Heck if I know who gave us the nickname.  Yes, there was a lot of bickering and fighting but overall we got along good.  I missed that.  I missed being with people who really know you and like you anyway.  :)  We talked about taking a girls trip sometime this summer so I am really hoping that happens! 

Here is a list of my summer must-haves:
1.  Sunblock - yes a tan is nice but skin cancer and advanced aging. . . not so much.
2.  Sundresses & skirts - I don't wear short so this is my cool alternative that can be
     dressed up or down.
3.  Flip flops
4.  Cute hats
5.  Fruity drinks - bring on the Pina coladas!
6.  Snow cones - Tim's Southern Snow, the guy is a weirdo but the snow cones are the
     best in S'port!  Also where else can you pick up an owner's manual for a 1993 Jeep
     and some VHS's?
7.  Pedi's!!!
8.  A Pool - because in Louisiana it is too hot to be outside and not in one!
9.  BBQ's - good friends + good food = a great summer
10. Air conditioning.  :)

I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe summer!

Quotations

Anyone who really knows me well knows that I love quotations.  I collect them.  A perfect gift for me is a book of quotations.  It doesn't have to be said by someone famous, it can be an ad, something spray painted on a side of a building; it just has to speak to me and resonnate.  Some of my favorite quoations are from Dr. Seuss.  Here are a few:

"A person's a person no matter how small."
"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?"
"Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind."

The last quotation pretty much sums up me in a nutshell.  I say what I feel and I am brutally honest.  I don't play games and I don't have time for b.s.  That is just how I am.  Some people love me for this, some. . . . .not so much.  When I am angry at someone, they know it.  I don't pretend to like someone if I truly do not like them.  I am not passive aggressive, I'm just aggressive I guess.  :)  I just find this is better in life:  just be who you are and be honest.  The important people in my life I care about their opinion of me (my husband, daughter, mother) but everyone else?  Eh, not so much.  If someone asks me a question, I give them an answer.  I don't sugar coat things.  Sometimes this causes people's feelings to get hurt and for that I am sorry but seriously don't ask if you don't want to know. 

I found another quotation today that applies to me also, "Transpersonal boundaries-being so deeply rooted in your essence and your inner honesty that falsehood is not an option".  I wish more people had transpersonal boundaries or any boundaries at all for the matter but that is a whole other blog.  I find that when you do not have boundaries or stay true to boundaries, you run into trouble.  Falsehood is not an option for me.  Like the good Southern saying: "Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining".  I find too many people just want to sweep things under a rug or act like there isn't a huge elephant in the room rather than dealing with the issue.  I don't get this at all.  In the end you are just causing more grief and trouble than necessary.  I am just the person that would rather deal with the issue, talk it out and then move on. 

Decisions

All of our decisions lead to something.  It can change the path we are currently on to go in a new direction.  I am not one that does well with big decisions.  I over analyze and think through every scenario before making a decision.  I then second guess myself after the decision has already been made.  I'm a perfectionist and it creates a huge dilemma when dealing with decisions.

I have many decisions that I have to make soon and I'm stuck on what to do.  One is my job.  I absolutely love my job but I am not loving the b.s. that goes along with it.  I am currently the social worker over an elementary school-based health center but I have been asked that due to budget cuts to also work at the high school school-based health center.  Increase in pay for additional work??? Nope, budget cuts!  I enjoy the time off and the work that I do but do I really want to work more for the same if not potentially less money??  Kind of a crappy deal if you ask me!  Social work is a calling but I still have bills to pay!  The good news is that I have all summer to decide what I am going to do.  Still sucks though.  :(

UGH!!!

What I Know

I am currently obsessed and in love with 30 Seconds to Mars!  For those of you music illiterates, 30 Seconds to Mars is a band whose lead singer is Jared Leto.  For those of you that do not know who Jared Leto is, well you should just go ahead and fall off a very steep cliff somewhere NOW!  I was so in love with Jared Leto when he was Jordan on "My So-Called Life" but now he's a rock star?!  Hell to the yes!!  Anyway I thought "Oh I'm sure the music sucks" because let's face it most celebrity turned musican suck big time (Hello Bruce Willis, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Costner, Paris Hilton).  I heard a 30 Second to Mars song a few months back and was very pleasantly surprised!  They are totally bad-ass!!  I have now downloaded several of their songs on my ipod (might I suggest "Closer to The Edge" or "Hurricane feat. Kanye West").  What impressed me even more and made me move Jared Leto to the #2 rank of my "People it is ok to cheat on my husband with if the opportunity ever presents itself" list is that the videos are very meaningful (feel free to check them out on YouTube).  The band writes and directs their own videos(which is unheard of in the music business) and they talk about conservation, war, poverty, etc.  Yep, I am obsessed and in love! 

Ok so now you might be wondering who all is on my cheat list so here it is:
People it is ok to cheat on my husband with if the opportunity ever presents itself:
#1 Eddie Vedder

#2 Jared Leto (up from #5 last month)

#3 Shemar Moore

#3 Johnny Depp

#4 David Beckham

#5 Leonardo Dicaprio

#6 LL Cool J

I love the movie "Wall.E"!  Wall.E is so cute but I love the message is sends:  If we do not change our ways, our planet is going to be in trouble.  I am a big recycling advocate.  I was so excited when Shreveport started curb side recycling and I can not for the life of me understand why people do not recycle.  It is free and better for the planet.  I have always been interested in conservation.  Growing up I wanted a compost, I still want one but my husband is against the idea.  I say to him "Do you want Anna to be Wall.E one day?!" to try to motivate him to recycle more.  I have a seperate recycling bin at home and try to make it as easy as possible for him to recycle.  I will take plastic bottles and soda cans home to recycle since there is not recycling where I work.  I feel guilty if I throw something away that can be recycled.  I feel that it is everyone's responsibility to take care of our planet which is the reason I want a Prius or a hybrid vs. my gas gurgling, high emission SUV.  There are several studies that indicate global warming is a HUGE issue.  The ice caps are melting at record speeds and although most people are not concerned about this, they should be.  We are using up natural resources and decreasing our amount of usable fresh water.  We have been experiencing record temperatures in recent years due to global warming: Louisiana had snow 2 years in a row!!  I also hate all of the gas and oil drilling in Louisiana.  Yes, some people are making money but I do not think the benefits outweigh the risks.  The roads are horrible, trees are being chopped down, water is being polluted, and gas has leaked.    After the gas wells leave, the land is left in such horrible condition.  It makes me sad when I see this because I think of the future consequences of treating our planet like this!  Act now and don't wait until it is too late!  Recycle, reuse and reduce!






I went to a workshop yesterday about child abuse for continuing education.  This workshop really was not that great due to the speaker but the thing that I did get out of it was how vigilant I need to be to protect my child.  1 in 4 girls are sexually abused by the age of 18.  As a child, I was 1 of the 1 in 4 girls.  I see little girls on a regular basis in my job who are also a 1 in 4 girl.  My heart goes out to them because I know what they are going through.  Being a survivor of childhood abuse is not something I talk about but if I can help one person protect their own child then it is worth it.  When I think of how a lot of my friends and I have girls it scares the crap out of me.  Let me say this, I would kill anyone who dare hurt my child!  I am from the country and I watch CSI people!! 


I feel like it is my job as Anna's mother to protect her and these are the ways we can all protect our children:  teach child correct terms for their genitals, teach child that they are in control of their body and it is not ok for ANYONE to touch them in their private places, teach child that they can tell you anytime anyone does something to hurt them or that makes them feel uncomfortable, never leave your child alone with someone(other than parent/caregiver), do not let your child spend the night at a friend's house until you meet the parents and anyone else who stays in the house, keep computer in family area and put parental locks on computer and TV, know where your child is at all times,  teach your child that strangers look like everyone else and they are to never go with anyone without your permission, and probably most important TRUST YOUR GUT: if someone gives you a funny feeling, there is a reason why!


I may be an overprotective parent to my child but it is my responsibility to keep her safe. 

Currently

So what's been going on lately?  Hmm. . .well for starters I am still boycotting Facebook for Lent.  What have I learned from this?  I really don't miss FB that much except that I feel out of the loop.  My husband is not the greatest on letting me know things that are of use so since I have been boycotting FB I have no clue what is going on in the lives of friends.  For instance, I did not even know someone was pregnant when I found out they gave birth!  Thanks for the 411 Dave!  Geez!

Anna continues on in her journey of "the terrible twos".  Studies say that it starts around 18 months and I would definitely have to agree.  Anna's favorite word is "NO!" lately and she can throw a fit like a true drama queen (unfortunately she rightfully inherited that from me).  She is sassy and has no problem speaking her mind.  I am glad in a way though because like her mommy she won't put up with any b.s.  She is starting to speak a lot and trying to form sentances.  Her favorite saying is "Let's go!" (she rightfully inherited that from her daddy).  Anna is best described as this wild little force of nature.  She is just so darn cute!! 

Dave & I just returned from an awesome trip to LA.  We had a lot of fun but was exhausted when we got home.  We got to go to a Lakers game, Disneyland, Universal Studios, & Beverly Hills.  I got to know Dave's childhood friends better which was my favorite thing because it allowed me to get to know Dave better.  I have come to the realization that my hubby was (and still is) a complete and utter spoiled brat :)  In all seriousness it was amazing for me to hear his friends talk about him and could tell that they hold him in high esteem and for me that just reinforces what I already knew about Dave:  he is a genuine, sweet, caring person.  To be able to see Dave through people who have known him most of his life just makes me love him even more. 

I loved LA but gee did the food suck (with the exception of In-N-Out Burger)!  :)  It is like they don't believe in seasoning!  I guess my Southern taste buds just don't like bland.  I wanted to ask for some Tony's or hot sauce!  People are not as polite and drive crazy which is actually ok for me!  I get tired of always having to smile, say hello and act like I care how someone's day is!  I think I would have less road rage in LA vs. here.  People drive like they have somewhere to be vs. driving Miss Daisy! 

I have been having problems with my tummy (abdominal pain, nausea) and even though I have been diagnosed with Gastritis, meds are not working.  I went in yesterday for an upper GI scope and my doctor said "I think it might be reflux".  Seriously??!!  I do not have any heartburn or indigestion but reflux???  I'm like "Um ok whatever!".  Basically he should have said "Well, I just don't know!".  So I am going to try another med and see if that helps but I am highly doubtful.  How reflux cause abdominal pain beats me but I will give the meds a try! 

My brother is flying home Easter weekend which I am really happy about.  I still have the habit of seeing my brother as the 16y/o that I had to look out for and worry about.  I feel bad because I feel like he got robbed when I went off to college.  He was left to fend for himself with our crazy, crackhead of a father.  I feel guilty for leaving him but I know I did what I had to do.  This is what amazes me about people who bitch and moan about the most insignificant things.  I want to tell them to seriously just F*** off!  So many people have lived such a blessed life and I am jealous of that.  I am blessed now but had to fight all my life for what I have now.  My brother and sister are still fighting.  My sister is a single mom trying to raise a son by herself and do the best she can while trying to make ends meet.  My brother is trying to work as hard as he can and provide for 2 children that he barely gets to see because of work.  We had to live through an abusive childhood with a drug addict.  Even though I am a social worker I have a very hard time sympathizing when someone is complaining about something insignificant.  I want to say "I'm sorry but I've just had bigger problems in my life".  All I wanted when I was a little girl was a happy family and God has truly blessed me beyond what I ever imagined.  I thank him everyday for a wonderful husband, a beautiful healthy child and a good life.  Simply just be thankful for the blessings in your life and don't sweat the small stuff.  Some people just like stirring up drama and I would just like for them to get a life. 

Wow I got off on a tangent!  Anyway. . .I am off this summer (Can I get a "Woo Hoo"?)!!  I am trying to see if I want to get a part-time job for this summer of just volunteer.  I am totally not the type that can just sit at home everyday.  Anna has to be in daycare part-time so we do not lose our spot so I need something for the days she goes to daycare.  I am looking at volunteering at Providence House.  It is such a wonderful organization that really empowers women and families.

I am going to my bff from college, Stacey's wedding this summer.  I am so happy for her but I would be lying if I said it was going to be easy.  Her husband Corey died in an accident 5 years ago.  Corey, Stacey and I were all good friends and roommates in college.  I was maid of honor at their wedding.  I tear up still thinking about Corey and miss him a lot.  Even though he and I use to butt heads constantly, I loved him dearly.  I know as hard as this will be for me it will be a hundred times harder for Stacey.  I remember the first Christmas after Corey died his family put a tree up on his tomb.  Stacey and I went to put ornaments on his tomb and when we stepped outside the bottom fell out and we got drenched.  We laughed and laughed when we got back in the car because then all of a sudden it stopped raining.  We smiled and said "Thanks Corey".  It was like somewhere he knew that it was going to be hard for us to go to his tomb and place ornaments so he made it rain and made us laugh.  Hopefully it won't rain on Stacey's wedding day but if it does I know Corey is up there trying to make us laugh.

Ooopsy Daisy!

I wish I was perfect because geez that would make life soooo much easier.  Unfortunately, like all of God's creations I am not perfect.  I make mistakes just like everyone else.  With mistakes comes forgiveness.  As I have gotten older I find that I am more forgiving than when I was younger.  I always ask myself "Is this the hill I want to die on?".  It is amazing how that simple question brings clarity to what is important and what isn't. 

My philosophy is life is too short to hold grudges and this is why I confront conflict.  I don't like being mad at someone and would rather talk and try to work it out than hold a grudge.  My father was an abusive drug addict and alcoholic.  I held on to so much anger that I had towards him for so long until I realized that the only person I was hurting was myself.  I forgave him and let go.  It wasn't the hill I wanted to die on. 

I am conducting a social skills group with some of the girls at the school I work for.  This week I taught them about the golden rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you), showing respect and apologizing.  It is funny how something so simple that can be taught to elementary students still escapes even the oldest of adults.  Adults that treat others with such little respect and do not apologize when they have made a mistake.  This again is where forgiveness comes in.  Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person and forgive and let go.  After all forgiveness is for you, not them.

Sacrifice and Letting Go

Today is Ash Wednesday and marks the beginning of Lent.  I received an email today from my boss, who happens to be a nun and this is what it said:

"The Season of Lent, our season of preparation for Easter glory, begins today on Ash Wednesday, March 9, 2011. On Ash Wednesday we receive again the blessed ashes on our foreheads in the form of a cross as a reminder of our mortality (“Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return”) and our sorrow for personal sinfulness (“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23)”.  On Ash Wednesday Jesus reminds us to give alms (help others in need), pray in secret, and fast (practice self sacrifice for others). These spiritual disciplines coming from loving, humble hearts help us to faithfully follow our Lord Jesus in the way of the Cross. “Whoever would be my disciple must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me (Matthew 16:24).”  So often we are not ready to receive the rich blessings God intends for us because we are clinging to sin and to material goods, we are selfish and judgmental toward others. Lent is our opportunity to deal with these temptations and failures and by the mercy and grace of God learn to live more faithfully. It is then that Easter joy will become our own."

I have participated in Lent for a few years now.  No I am not Catholic but I do not feel that you have to be in order to participate in Lent.  Lent is about sacrifice, letting go and getting closer to God. This year I am giving up Facebook.  I know it may sound silly but I feel that there is so much of this world that takes our time and attention away from more important things and for me, Facebook is one of those.  I found myself checking Facebook instead of spending quality time and really being present with my family.  During Lent I am trying to focus on what really matters in my life and letting go of the things that don't.   

 

 

 

Opinions are like. . . .

There is the not-so-quite-old, tacky saying that "Opinions are like butt holes, everyone has one and they all stink".  I think of this saying when thinking about what I get asked a lot lately: "When are you going to have another baby?".  

I have responded to this question with different answers, "I don't know if I want another baby", "Probably when Anna is 2 y/o", "Never", "When I feel like it".  And no matter what I answer, it is met with many opinions from other people.  I get annoyed by being asked this quesion because what does it matter when and if I am going to have another baby.  I live my life according to my own plan not everyone elses'.  I don't have to see when Cindy Lou-Woo is going to have a baby so then I can determine if and/or when I am going to have a baby.  I choose what is right for me.

When I have said "I don't know if I want another baby" it is usually met with the popular opinion "YOU CAN'T HAVE AN ONLY CHILD!!!".  Really?  Last time I checked I can do whatever I flippin want!  I also get: "WHO WILL ANNA PLAY WITH?"  Um, hello she already has tons of friends and awesome cousins to play with!  "AREN'T YOU WORRIED THAT YOU WILL SPOIL ANNA IF SHE IS AN ONLY CHILD?"  Have you not met my child?  She has been spoiled since day 1!  "YOU HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD FOR WHEN YOU DIE!"  I'm not planning on going anywhere but thanks! 

I love Anna and thank God each and everyday for her but geez do I feel busy and worn out.  She is so spunky and I just think to myself "Can I handle another mini-Anna(who is like a mini-Hitler)?".  I have a hard time balancing being a wife, working full-time and being a mother to one child, what if I can't handle another child added to the mix.  I love Anna so much and what if I don't like the next child as much?  What if Dave and I are so busy with 2 kids that we start neglecting our marriage and end up resenting each other?  I'm 32 and do I have the energy to go through pregnancy and having sleepless nights again?  What if I have another colic baby?  These are the issues I think about and weigh heavily.  Having a child was a HUGE decision and the decision to have another one is even larger.   

When I answer "Probably when Anna is 2 y/o", it is usually met with "DO YOU REALLY WANT TO WAIT THAT LONG, THAT IS SUCH AN AGE GAP!"  Wow, roughly 3 years, what am I thinking?!  My husband is 10 years younger than his next sibling:  that my friend is an age gap!  "IF YOU WAIT THAT LONG OUR KIDS WON'T BE THE SAME AGE AND WON'T BE FRIENDS!"  Who says my awesome kid is going to like your kid anyway?! 

So when am I really going to have another baby?  Honestly I am not 100% certain if and when I want another baby.  What I am certain of is that I will do what is right for me and my family.  I like the idea of having another child so. . . . who knows! 

Weight Take 1,293,245

Weight, is any woman happy with hers?  I feel like I have been struggling with my weight essentially since I was about 13 years old.  It seems like the more I try to lose weight, the more weight I gain.  I do good for a little while and then I just fall right off the wagon! 

I feel so overwhelmed with work, being a good mom, being a good wife, taking care of the house, taking care of me.  Because of all of that it is really difficult for me to find time to exercise.  I have been going to a trainer for the past year and I attend religiously 2 times/week.  Where I struggle is finding time to do cardio and watching what I eat.

I love food.  I find it very comforting and I just really enjoy it.  Our Southern culture is centered around food.  We use food and drinks as ways to socialize.  Give me some carbs and I'm a happy girl!

Our Southern weather makes it misreable to be outside 99.9% of the time.  I know why people in Colorado are so healthy, they have awesome weather which allows them to be more active outdoors.  In Louisiana we have maybe 2-3 weeks out of the year where we have nice weather outside.  I take full advantage of this by loading Anna in BOB(our awesome jogging stroller and 4th family member) and going for walks outside.  I also have been having a lot of fun taking her outside to swing and slide on her playset. 

I am trying to lose weight but geez is it hard!  UGH!  If we can clone another human being why can't we discover a pill that keeps you skinny???  FYI: I hate all you naturally skinny bitches.

Adventures with a Toddler

I look at Anna and I can not believe how fast she has grown!  She changes everyday and most days I wish there was a "Pause" button I could push.  I have several nicknames for Anna such as Anna Banana, Pumpkin, Pumpkalicious, Pumpkin-doodle, Monkey, Pumpkinator(like Terminator), Doodle bug, Princess, Diva, Brat, Mini-Dave, Mini-Faye(my grandmother who had quite the attitude).  Yes, Anna probably has more nicknames than any other person alive.  :)

It is amazing how wonderful being a mother is.  I have this little petite girl with a big attitude and personality to match.  She definitely has a mind of her own and is not going to do anything she doesn't want to(can't imagine where she gets that from).  She runs and walks with a twist that is so adorable and funny at the same time.  She never stops moving and is so A.D.D.  Anna's favorite things to play with is items that she can organize or take a part and put back together such as blocks, stacking cups, buckets, etc.

This past month Anna has really started talking a lot and singing and dancing.  For Valentine's Day she received a card that sings when you open it and everytime Anna opens it and hears the song, she starts twirling.  It is seriously the cutest thing ever.  I am sure every mother has moments like this and they are so precious.  They are the moments you thank God for blessing you with this wonderful little person.

Anna never stops moving which is probably her saving grace because she eats a TON!  She eats more than any kid I know but luckily also she loves veggies and fruits.  I am constantly chasing after Anna and for such a tiny person she sure can move fast!  I feel like I am always preventing the next disaster!

Anna is very much like Dave in the sense that she has to be entertained.  She is definitely not one of those quiet kids that enjoy playing by themself.  I have to say that I am glad she isn't though.  She has so much personality and spunk.  Anna loves her "Ba" which is her pacifier.  I try to only give it to her at bedtime but when she is yelling "Ba Momma Ba!" it is kinda hard to hold out!  I think we will takle that mountain when she is 2! 

I love my child more than I ever thought was possible.  I am amazed daily by her.  There are moments in motherhood that I wish I could delete (like when I accidentially slammed Anna's fingers in a door hinge) but overall it is one of the best experiences of my life.  Every day is a new adventure with this perfect little girl!

New Year & Changes

A new year usually brings about changes.  I have had many changes recently.  Our addition (bathroom, fireplace) and renovations (closets) are FINALLY finished after 7 long months!  It was so frustrating coming home to complete chaos during the process.  I got tired of having strange men in my home, especially at 7am on a Saturday.  I think our neighbors were about to kill us as well!

I changed jobs at the begining of the year.  I started a new job at Christus Schumpert's School-Based Health Center at Atkins Elementary!  I was not looking for another job when this opportunity presented itself.  I loved working with the people I had come to know as close friends at FMC and it was not a job that I was wanting to leave but I got into social work because I wanted to work with children.  I applied and interviewed with Schumpert hoping that I would get the job but also had faith that whatever was meant to happen would be.  It was so hard leaving FMC but so far I absolutely LOVE my job at Atkins!! 

My provisional year with Junior League is almost up and I have really enjoyed  it.  I have met some awesome women and I am so glad that I decided to join!  My placement has been playing BINGO with the kids at LSUHSC each month and I have had so much fun! 

Life tends to get busier and busier.  Being a full-time working mother is exhausting!  Trying to balance work, being a good mother and wife, time for exercise and time for myself is difficult.  I always feel like I am having to sacrifice one thing for another.  I am at the point in my life where my time away from home has to be worth it and had to make changes recently because some things just weren't worth it anymore.

I have lived in Shreveport for 8 years and have had a difficult time making friends.  I feel like some of the girls of Shreveport and I just do not have to same values.  I value people because of their character not because of ther social standing or yearly income. Some girls are still so caught up with high school and haven't moved beyond it even though it has been 10+ years.  I just don't understand this at all!  I am also the type of person that does not need to talk to someone on a daily basis or constantly do things together to prove we are best of friends.  I will talk to someone all day long in person but I hate talking on the phone.  Text messaging was the best invention ever!  Britt was my bff and when she moved I was utterly heartbroken.  She was the only person I felt I could really relate and talk to in Shreveport.  It isn't until recently that I have felt like I have that close of a friendship again and I am very thankful for it!

My daughter keeps changing and I just have mixed feelings about it!  I love seeing how she is growing up and developing as this little person but I just don't want her to grow up too fast or miss a moment!  She looks more and more like Dave but unfortunately inherited my talent of throwing a fit and being a brat!  It is really hard not to laugh when she is being bad because she is so darn cute!  It is wonderful to see how Dave and I have changed because of Anna.  I think we do better working together and just don't sweat the small stuff as much anymore.