New Year

This year has flown by!  I can't believe that this year is coming to an end.  I always look forward to the next year and wonder what it will bring.  This past year has been quite the year for us.  It has been difficult yet joyous as well.  We have had many unexpected changes and faced many obstacles.

I left a job that just wasn't working out to a job where I am making a lot more money and still get to work with kids.  It is a job that suites me pretty well, it is challenging, fast-paced and I am always learning something new.  Plus I have kick-ass health insurance!

We sold our house and bought a new one within the same month.  I never thought we would leave Thora but the truth was we were outgrowing it and we would have had to add on in order to make it work.  After discussions with an architect we decided it might be time to move on.  We were lucky to find a house just a block away that was perfect for us but just needed a little updating.  We moved in around July and love our house more and more each day.  It is the perfect house for us to grow and raise our family in.  Plus it has a pool which we all are enjoying!

Dave and I have struggled with infertility just to find out I was pregnant a little over a month ago!  I was shock, surprised and overjoyed.  Dave and I both cried when we found out I was pregnant because this had been such a tough journey.  I think we were both losing hope that it was going to happen.  Getting pregnant was just another way for me to see that God is in control of everything.  Things happen not when we want them to necessarily but when it is meant to be.  I had been praying to God all during this time and he heard my cry and answered my prayers.  My best friend who has been struggling with fertility also is also pregnant.  God works in wonderful ways!  Baby Harper is due August 2 but I have a feeling he/she will be more of a July baby.  Dave and I decided not to find out the baby's gender and to make it a surprise.  Neither one of us care what Baby Harper is as long as he/she is healthy.  We are happy regardless if it is a boy or girl.  Anna changes her mind daily on if she wants a baby brother or a baby sister.  I know either way she is going to be a great big sister.

Anna is changing and growing up so much every day.  Some days I feel like I have a 13 year old rather than a 3 year old.  It is so wonderful watching her grow into this amazing little girl.  She absorbs information and knowledge like a little sponge which means I also have to watch what I say because she doesn't have a problem repeating it!  Anna has her own opinion about EVERYTHING!   It is fun but also exhausting because she isn't going to do anything she doesn't want to.  I am learning that bribing works pretty well though.  Anna is such a strong-willed little girl and although that can be challenging at times, I really wouldn't have her any other way.  I know that she will always stick up for herself and she will be independent which I like.  Yes, she is just like her mother and her Nana!  :0  I am hoping Baby Harper will be chill like Dave because I don't know if our household can handle any more divas!

We thought long and hard about Anna's education and decided to enroll her in a private Catholic school.  Anna is so smart and creative and I want her to be in an environment where she can flourish.  After many discussions, research and meeting with schools, we decided St. Joseph is the best place for her.  Yes, it is expensive but I consider my child's education and safety of the most importance.  I also like that there is a religious component as well.  Of course we will test her for magnet next year but if she doesn't get in the Magnet program, I feel her education is in good hands at St. Joseph's.  Besides how cute is she going to be in her little Catholic school uniform?  LOL

This year overall has been good but I am excited for next year and all the things it will bring.  New Year's Resolutions?  Nope.  There isn't a thing I would change.  :)  Happy New Year!

Nobody Said It Was Easy

Nobody said it was easy. . .is that ever the understatement.  My Nelson side of the family always said that if it wasn't for bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all.   Who knows.  All I know is this past year and a half has had its ups and its downs.  It has been a tough time for me emotionally.

After I had Anna I wasn't sure if I wanted any more children.  Everyone has kept asking us when we were going to have another baby which I must say that I think that is so rude.  Personal issues are not anyone's business in my opinion.  I am the type of person that if I want you to know something then I share it with you.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an extremely private person.

In April 2011 and after much discussion with Dave and consideration, we decided to try to have another child.  After a year and half of trying to get pregnant, Dave and I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility.  What a crock of shit right?!  We have taken all the tests and everything checks out perfect but yet we cannot get pregnant.  This has been very difficult for me.  I have kind of gone through the stages of grief in trying to deal with this.  I have cried, felt sad, angry, resentful, been in denial, withdrawn.  I have had friends that are pregnant or recently given birth and I am truly happy for them but at the same time I am going through a very emotionally difficult time.  It is hard for me to hide my feelings so to not hurt anyone, I have been withdrawn.

Every month I try not to think about it or get my hopes up but I am still devastated when I start my cycle.  It is something that you cannot even begin to explain to someone.  Everyone says "Oh it will happen" or "You just have to stop thinking about it so much".  Easier said than done.  Unless you have gone through this, there is no way you can begin to understand.  It is frustrating and heartbreaking.

The hardest part is that Anna draws pictures of her "baby sister" every single day.  For the past couple of months she has been obsessed with having a sibling.  I guess it is because all the kiddos in her class have younger siblings.  Anna keeps asking when I am going to have a baby in my belly and tells me she wants a baby sister.  It breaks my heart because all I can say is "Maybe one day".  Anna even told all her teachers at daycare that I was pregnant (wishful thinking I guess) so all the teachers were telling me "Congratulations" and told me why when I asked them why they were telling me that.  Then of course I had to inform them that no I am not pregnant.

Dave and I have discussed our options and met with a fertility doctor last week.  They do not know why we are not getting pregnant but just know we aren't.  The first step is fertility medication along with IUI (Intrauterine Insemination).  I am scared, excited, frustrated and exhausted all at the same time.  Dave and I have talked about all the options and are open to adoption if it comes to that.  I cried as I left the fertility doctor last week because I just couldn't believe this was happening.  Never in a million years did I imagine I might not be able to have any more children.  It isn't fair but yet life isn't fair.

This has been one of the toughest things I have had to go through.  I know that with my husband and with God, I will get through it and everything will work out the way it is suppose to.  Until then it is a struggle.  Everyday when I see yet another pregnant person, my heart breaks and I try not to cry as I am reminded that that might not ever be me.  I thank God every day for the perfect, wonderful little girl that  He blessed Dave and I with and try to hold on to that.  Anna is the best thing that has ever happened to either one of us.  I try to remind myself that there are a lot of children out there that need a good home and that maybe God has chosen me and Dave for that purpose.

The good thing about this journey has been discovering that infertility is more common than people think.  I worked a Revel shift last year with 3 other women who were struggling with infertility also.  I suppose infertility is similar to miscarriage in the way that it is very common but people just don't talk about it.  Although I am an extremely private person I chose to write this blog so that maybe another person out there who is struggling with infertility can see that they aren't alone.  I joke to Dave that if I was Henry VIII's wife, he would have me beheaded since I wouldn't be able to bear him a child.  Dave doesn't think it is too funny but in order to get through something like this, you have to be able to laugh somewhat about it.  Just don't be surprised if I punch you in the face if you ask me when I'm going to have another baby! :)

More New Adventures

Life has been changing rather dramatically lately for us.  We bought a house, are trying to sell our current home and I got a new job.  Although I absolutely love my job, there are other factors that have made me unhappy in it this past year.  An opening came available at a place that I have always wanted to work at so I applied, interviewed and found out last week that I got the job!  I am excited, scared, overwhelmed and sad at all the changes taken place in our lives lately.  It is just crazy how fast everything has happened.  It is nothing we planned for but that's how the best things in life happen.

Mine and Dave's motto has always been "It's a new adventure for us".  We have had many adventures together and always try to look forward to new events/situations.  God has a plan for us and sometimes we get impatient and question God.  So much of life is out of our hands and in His.  I try to always remind myself that God has a plan for me and it may not be what I want but rather what I need.  This has really rang true since Dave and I have struggled to conceive.  I found myself getting frustrated and hopeless after not conceiving when trying for almost a year.  Then everything happened.  We bought a house and I got a new job and I realized that maybe the reason I have not been able to conceive was that God was preparing me for the other things and it wasn't the right time for us to have a baby.  I also realized that God has a plan for me and it's pretty awesome.  The baby will come when it is time, I just have to have a little faith.   

Music = Life

Anyone who really knows me knows that I eat, live and breathe music.  I love music and could not live without it.  If I had to choose between being blind or deaf, I would have to choose to be blind simply because I could not go without music.

I had the not so best childhood and one of the things that helped me was music.  Music was an escape for me and it helped me deal with whatever was going on.  To this day I have certain songs I listen to depending on my mood.  For example:  when I am angry:  Rearview Mirror by Pearl Jam, when Dave and I were broken up:  White Flag by Dido, when I am feeling happy:  No Woman, No Cry by Bob Marley.  I listen to music constantly.   I know pretty much every artist, song and lyrics. 

My ultimate favorite band is Pearl Jam and I love the lead singer Eddie Vedder.  My biggest wish has been to see Pearl Jam in concert but they never tour this side of the country.  I found out a couple of months ago that Eddie Vedder is going on a solo tour and he is coming to Houston!  I almost had a heart attack because the tickets sold out after 5 minutes going on sale!  I went on Stub Hub and was able to get some and they are pretty good seats!  I am so freakin' excited!!!  I can not believe I am going to get to see my favorite musician perform!!!! Other than my wedding day and the day I gave birth to Anna, the day I see Eddie will be the BEST. DAY. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

We're Moving!

We're Moving!  I never thought I would say that!  I love the house that we live in.  It is the house Dave and I bought when we were engaged, the house we started our marriage and family in, the house we have gutted and remodeled, the house with all of our memories.  Our ultimate plan was to buy our neighbor's house, tear it down and just add on to our house.  The problem?  Our neighbors aren't moving even though they told us they were a few years ago. 

Dave and I have been looking at larger homes for the past few years every time one came on the market.  We wanted to see if it would be easier to buy a bigger home and update or just add on to our house.  Every time we looked at a a larger home, it just didn't seem feasible because too much construction would have to be done to make it work for us.  We would have had to tear down walls and convert bedrooms to make the house what we would want.  That was until 2 weeks ago.

Dave and I love where we live.  We love being close to Norton's and walking in the woods and gardens behind the art gallery.  Dave has always said he would love to have a house that backed up to Norton's.  A house came on the market 2 weeks ago that is around the corner from where we currently live and backs up to Norton's.  I was open to looking at the house but figured it was going to be like all the others we have looked at, just too much work.  I was wrong.

The house is perfect for us.  It has good space and just needs a little updating.  It all happened so fast for us.  The house came on the market on a Monday, we saw it that Wednesday, looked at it again on that Saturday and made an offer.  Our offer was countered last Sunday to which we countered again and it was accepted last Monday!  Whew! 

Our house goes on the market this week and it is bittersweet.  I'm excited, nervous and a little sad all at the same time.  But in the words of Bob Marley "Everything's gonna be alright".  :)

Anniversary

This March will mark mine & Dave's five year wedding anniversary.  I can not believe we have already been married for 5 years as it seems just like yesterday we were getting married.  A lot has happened in those 5 years, we have had ups and downs and turn arounds.  It hasn't always been easy but we have made it.  Marriage is something you constantly have to work on.  Dave and I make it a point to focus on our marriage.  We have date nights so that we have time to focus on each other because the day to day life leaves little time for that.  You can get so caught up in work and being a good parent that it is easy to neglect your marriage.  I think to be a good parent you also need to have a good marriage.  The best thing I can do for my daughter is love her father and I do with all of my heart.

Every year for our anniversary Dave and I try to go somewhere.  It is really convenient that Spring Break is always at the same time as our anniversary so it is easy to get away since I'm already off of work.  This year we talked about going to several different places but decided to go to the happiest place on earth.  DISNEY WORLD!!

I am so excited!!!  We went to LA last year and went to Disneyland while we were there and had so much fun.  I didn't get to experience Disneyland or Disney World growing up and I'm glad that I get to now.  Of course I want to take Anna but I want her to be old enough to enjoy and remember it.  I can go now and learn what all to do so maybe it is easier once we take Anna.  One of the things that I am most excited about our trip is going to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios.  

I am a HUGE HP fan.  I have read all the books and seen and own all of the movies.  I love that I get to experience all of this with my best friend, my hubby.  He is the cheese to my macaroni, the jelly to my peanut butter, the milk to my cookies.  :)       

Cheering Section

I read a book not too long ago that stated that friends in your life should be in your "cheering section" and if they aren't then you need to "bench" them.  Basically friends should be happy for you and supporting you and if they aren't, then you don't need them in your life.  This really didn't resonate with me until recently. Due to some incidents, I got to thinking about the people in my life that I consider friends and whether they are in my "cheering section" or not.

Dave & I have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year now (yikes!).  We found out the other day that a close friend of ours is pregnant and I am so excited and happy for them.  Yes, Dave & I have struggled with conceiving but I can still be happy for someone else.  To me that is what a friend is suppose to do.  A friend is suppose to be support you during the good, the bad and all the in between.  They are not suppose to be bitter, angry,  or jealous.  They support you and are happy for you.  They do not take your triumph as their failure.  Friends are suppose to be in your "cheering section". 

When I thought about it, I found that some of the people that I have considered friends are not really in my "cheering section".  Rather than supporting me and being happy for me, they put me down, talk about me behind my back and try to make me feel bad about who I am and what I have.   I realized that if these friends aren't in my "cheering section" then I really do not need them in my life.