Love and Marriage

I have the Bundy TV show theme song stuck in my head as I am writing this blog hence the title.  People watch these romantic comedy movies and think that love is so easy and of course you live happily ever after.  Well, the truth of it is that love is easy but marriage is not.  Marriage takes a lot of hard work.  There are days where you can't stand the way your spouse is breathing.  You look at your spouse and think, "Why the heck did I marry you?".  You always love your spouse but there are days you don't like them too much.  I think this is absolutely normal but it is the stuff no one talks about.  The people who say their marriage is perfect and that they never fight are big, fat liars.  Somehow it is shameful to admit that there are days you struggle in your marriage and I just think "Hey let's be honest".

Since having Anna, my marriage has been on a roller coaster.  Dave and I have been so focused on taking care of this little person and trying to be the best parents possible that until now we stopped working on our marriage.  There have been days where we have been like "Ok, let's call it quits".  Marriage is hard but having a baby is even harder.  You both start feeling unappreciated by the other and start resenting each other.  I got very concerned that basically Dave and I weren't going to make it in our marriage.  The analytical social worker I am started researching and found that the majority of couples report dissatisfaction with their marriage after having a baby.  Because no one I know who had a baby every talked about it, I thought Dave and I were doomed to get a divorce.  Turns out WE'RE NORMAL!!  Life after baby is hard on your marriage and it is normal to fight more.  You are so busy taking care of baby and the extra chores that come along from having baby that you stop taking care of each other.

Anna was colic when she was born and for the first 3 months I was just trying to stay sane.  Sleep deprivation combined with nonstop screaming really does a number on your nerves.  The last thing I cared about was my marriage.  I just wanted sleep and a happy baby.  After Anna was 3 months old and not colic anymore, Dave and I were just stuck in a routine of caring for Anna.  A couple of weeks ago Dave and I both decided that we need to focus more on our marriage rather than focusing so much on being just parents.  We went to Vegas for our 3rd anniversary and have been taking date nights where it is just the two of us.  It is nice to be able to eat a meal together and actually talk.  After having baby, it is like you need to date again.  Our goal now is to have a date at least every 2 weeks.  We realize that we have a great marriage but for the past 8 months it has just been neglected and we can't do that.  To be great parents we have to first be a great couple.